Been a long time coming.

Well, here goes.

My name is Jessica Green. I have gone by many names on the internet; Sephiria Tepes, Imaginaerus, DementedGames, DementedGamesEntertainment, and most recently (and finally) “oddvikingstudios”. All this change, all of this chameleonism…for what? It took me nearly 10 years to realize just why I couldn’t ever say who I really was – to admit who I am.

My name is Jessica Green. My last name is soon to change to Miner, as I am married and having to figure out the name change stuff. I’d prefer to use that last name, but for legality’s sake I keep it what it is for now until everything’s official. I am, as of April of this year, 24 years old and a mother of two children. I have a myriad of hobbies, all of which I wish I could turn into a full-time occupation where I create my own schedule and don’t have to deal with too many people.

I’ve found out just this year that I am most likely autistic, and have been since I was quite young. I have PTSD due to long-term sexual, emotional and physical abuse, no relationship with my family save for my sweet grandparents whom I love very much, and my children are both in the custody of family members due to various personal reasons. Say what you will about it, because I’ve heard it all. I’m not going into detail because I don’t have to. But despite all of this, and despite being given multiple reasons to leave, my husband has stayed by my side and helped me strive to improve. Hence, I am in a comfortable home with a good support system, the freedom and abundance of time to pursue all of my hobbies (save for the finance-consuming ones, such as sewing), and the therapy/medication combination I need in order to get better. I am a long way from where I want to be, but I’ve made great headway. I’m told I should be proud of myself, but what does that feel like? What will it take for me to feel that sort of self-pride, I wonder…a pride in myself, not just something I’ve done or created. That’s easy. Being proud of myself as a person…now that’s something I know I’ve never felt.

However, I digress; everyone has their darkness, and I have mine. I’m no worse off than anyone else, nor am I better. I’m just here to share my creations, unfiltered and without holding back, no matter what my brain wants. Whether it be a short story, a blog of my thoughts, a link to a new picture I’ve done or simply just a rant of babble – everything stays; nothing will be deleted from this forum unless it somehow violates WordPress’s terms and conditions, regardless of reader opinion. As you are entitled to your feelings and thoughts, I am too. I am not attacking anyone with what I say or post, nor is it my intent to promote any hateful, abusive, privacy-invasive content or activity. I worry endlessly about these kinds of things because I sometimes feel like my opinions can be eclectic, but I’ll deal with that bridge if and when I arrive there.

As much as I enjoy typing and just letting my thoughts flow, I should probably go to bed or something. I don’t even remember how long it’s been since I’ve slept, and even though it’s 6:00 pm here, I’m exhausted. Thank you for reading, and take care.

-JM